SELF-CONFIDENCE. Why do some exude confidence and others struggle?!

Practicing what I preach by taking a leap on stage at the St. Vital Spark Book Club event. The confidence to speak did NOT happen overnight!

Have you ever searched up 'how to be more confident'? Over the course of my journey, I certainly have.

Did you notice the same old answers to this problem, blogs telling you to just “think positive” and “tell yourself affirmations in the mirror”?

...Did you try it and see results?

Neither did I.

It's not that my affirmation-game isn't strong. ...In fact, I’m a huge believer that both positive thinking and affirmations have benefits -- but I certainly don’t believe they are the answers to how one can gain MORE self-confidence and self-efficacy.

We build self-confidence by DOING -- by learning, setting and achieving goals and building our competence over time.

(I'm not talking about shallow over-confidence, the confidence that makes us feel icky to be around when someones being fake). I'm talking about REAL confidence. The one where we build from the foundation, the ground up!

For those of us who have struggled with confidence...

Did you know, the attitude we have towards ourselves and the world around us is generally from how we were treated and raised growing up?

John Bowlby’s attachment theory, anyone?!

Low self-esteem from how we were raised manifests itself in all situations, including romantically, professionally, financially -- you name it. Want to be more confident?

That has to be built with time and practice, especially if you were raised feeling rejected or unloved.

Just remember, there's no quick, easy fix. It doesn’t happen overnight.

You gotta PUT IN the work.

The good news though?

When you DO the work, you’ve got your achievements for life. No one can take your achievements away from you!


Learn more about how you can build confidence

Check out some of my favourite steps to building confidence! Ready to start facing your fears and changing some of your beliefs?

  • Take a moment to bring awareness to where you currently are - and where you want to be.

  • Recognize some of your previous achievements and note where you’ve helped others in the past or when someone has complimented or thanked you.

  • Notice your strengths and give yourself some damn credit for them. Stop minimizing your skills.

  • Set your goals. What and who inspires you?! Where do you find your energy gets fired up?

  • Mindfulness. I know we all hear this one over and over, but it’s true, mindfulness is the JAM! Mindfulness will help you quiet the noise of the critic. It will get you grounded so you can have a fresh perspective on your thoughts and feelings.

  • Visualize. Ohhhhhh, girl. Get your imagination going! Think and visualize about who you want to be and carry that image around with you.

  • Commit to change. Hold yourself accountable. (If this piece is difficult for you - ASK for help). Ask for support from someone who can ask you the right questions and challenge you when you’re restoring back to self-conscious ways.

  • Identify what skills you need to work on and surround yourself with people who inhabit those skills.

  • Task yourself with practical goals (even if they seem small). Baby steps are still steps! See the big picture but give yourself some breathing room and some tangible goals. With practice, and I really mean everyday practice with small actions, it will be much easier to tackle and achieve those bigger obstacles when they come your way.


If self-confidence is something you’re struggling with and you want to support. Tillie + True offers specialized coaching, just for you! We create personalized GROWTH plans and cater each step to your lifestyle, wants/needs and behaviours.

Want to learn more? Check it out here. Want to try a FREE 20-min Clarity Call to jumpstart your self-confidence?! Enter here to schedule your appointment.